Women and those born with female anatomy go through a life cycle where hormonal changes, bodily changes, child-rearing, and gynaecological issues impact their psychological well-being, and ability to function optimally in their day-to-day life and in workspaces. By virtue of being born with female anatomy and physiology, women experience specific issues that can impair their lives; men do not experience these as they have different anatomy.

Navigating the phases of womanhood: Physical and psychological impacts

Puberty and menstruation

When a girl reaches puberty, she becomes a woman. She starts producing estrogen and progesterone hormones, which corresponds with other changes to her physiological body. Puberty also spells the onset of monthly periods where the woman starts menstruating in monthly cycles. Every woman experiences menstruation differently; some have severe period pain, heavy periods, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), and physical discomfort.

Menopause

On the other end of the fertility cycle, menopause spells the depletion of estrogen and progesterone, and the end of the ability to procreate. With it comes a cluster of both physical and psychological health challenges which impact women’s everyday functioning, and psychological health.

The fertility window

In between the onset of puberty and menopause, women are in their fertility window, where they have monthly periods and can get pregnant and procreate, and also experience debilitating gynaecological issues. This in-between stage is the stage at which women are concurrently engaged in studying, progressing in their careers, child-rearing, or doing a combination of any of these things. All these female-specific experiences impact not only on their physical but also mental health, as well as their ability to always function optimally in workspaces.

Women’s health issues in high-pressure work environments

While every woman must deal with and cope with the consequences of the gynaecology-related issues, women in corporate and highly demanding environments who are expected to perform highly at all times, experience additional stress and anxiety which can further diminish their mental well-being. They are expected to perform at the same level as men, who do not share the same experiences as them.

There is a myth and misconception that men are better leaders, which is not true. Many women’s performance and career progression are hampered by issues related to female-specific issues, which do not affect men. In my experience as a therapist, l have seen the harm the lack of awareness and support causes to these women. It’s imperative that we explore how these female-specific issues can impact on mental well-being, and how women can be best supported in work environments.

1. Menstruation

Many working-age women are in the fertile stage of their lives, and they have monthly period cycles. For some women, periods can be very painful and traumatic; they may end up seeking medical support. Bloating, period pain, PMS which causes mood swings and irritability, and flooding can all become very challenging to deal with while working parallel. These are not just physical manifestations, but they have a psychological impact. Being expected to perform optimally when you are going through heavy and painful periods is incredibly challenging for some women. The need to perform while under duress can be detrimental to these women’s mental well-being.

2. Pregnancy and childbirth

Working-age women are also in the child-rearing stages. This means there is potential for pregnancy, at times fertility treatments, childbirth, and managing childcare. The trajectory of career progression for women is very different to men, as men do not have to carry pregnancies and give birth. Only recently men can take paternity leave; traditionally it was the mother, the woman who was expected to take maternity leave and pause their careers. These are some of the reasons why some women delay having children, which can be a negative considering the fertility window narrows down as women get older.

Many women do get pregnant and continue working while pregnant, and they are still expected to perform optimally during pregnancy. Stress and pressure can negatively impact both mother and unborn child. Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time for women, which also means dealing with pregnancy symptoms, and adjustment to the new impending mothering role. Some women have complicated pregnancies that require close monitoring. Pregnancy is, therefore, a women-specific issue which impacts on their performance at work, career trajectory and mental well-being.

3. Menopause

Menopause is an incredibly challenging time for many women, as it comes with a range of physical and psychological symptoms, which translates into poor mental health. Many women who are perimenopausal or menopausal experience hormonal changes which leads to increased stress, anxiety, depression, mood swings, acopia, insomnia, weight loss or weight gain, fatigue and a feeling of loss. Working-age women who are going through menopause can find this period particularly challenging emotionally. Their ability to perform can be hindered, and their mental health deteriorates as well.

3. Chronic gynaecological conditions

Many working-age women live with chronic gynaecological conditions such as fibroids, endometriosis, PCOS, ovarian cysts and ovarian cancers. These can be impairing as these conditions present with both physical and psychological symptoms. Many gynaecological conditions manifest in pain, discomfort, excessive bleeding during periods, bloating, anxiety, low mood, fatigue, nausea, facial hair growth, and weight gain. They require active ongoing treatment which has its own host of side effects. Unlike men, all these female-specific health issues shape their ability to function optimally and their mental health.

Tips to improve mental health in women

Self-advocacy and prioritising well-being

Women should feel empowered to seek help and adjustments to their work if they are struggling with female-specific issues. Women should prioritise their well-being and advocate for themselves if they are struggling with female-specific issues that do not affect men.

Supportive work communities

Women in high-pressured environments could create supportive communities where they can share their experiences and heal collectively.

Seeking psychological support

If anyone in these workspaces is struggling, and you are not getting the right support, seek psychological support through therapy. Delaying getting support will only make things worse.

Male colleague education and empathy

Male colleagues and peers should have more education around female-specific health issues and how they translate into their ability to function and their mental well-being as a whole. Male colleagues should have more empathy and support towards women and take their concerns seriously when they are struggling.

Corporate initiatives

Corporate companies could give more incentives to women to enable them to manage their female-related issues, without feeling pressured to perform highly at all times. Allowing women to have more breaks and a more supportive stance goes a long way.

However, money is an inescapable reality in romantic relationships. In situations where partners have big financial differentials, or where the woman earns far more than the man, this can create real challenges that need to be navigated in a delicate manner.

It’s important that partners can openly discuss these issues of income disparities in a constructive, empathetic, and compassionate way which serves the relationship. Not addressing it can cause a slow death of the relationship as the financial disparities shape the relationship. As a couples therapist,  who has worked with many people who approach therapy to address these issues, l have a deep appreciation of the significance of money in intimate relationships and the strain it often causes.

Patriarchy and paradigm shift

While l acknowledge that money issues exist in same-sex relationships, I will pay attention to the male/female dynamic as it highlights some of the changing patriarchal views and notions in the world we live in. Our world is fast changing, and women are no longer the stay-at-home child rearers, and home keepers as they did in the traditional days. Women are becoming highly educated, and some are working their way to the top of the ladder, occupying high-status roles in big companies. Others who own businesses are very successful and effectively earn substantially more than men.

This  means that there is a potential for these high-earning women to end up in relationships or marry men who earn much less than them. Without acknowledging this paradigm shift, some women get stuck against the odds, waiting to date men who earn more than them. At times there is a man who earns significantly more than their partner, which  creates issues in terms of spending, decision making, and making plans. These realities challenge the patriarchal views where men are meant to be the breadwinners, and women are looked after, or earn less. If partners who have an income gap come together, they have to accept this shift and work together in navigating these disparities in a constructive way.

High-earning female partner vs low earner male partner

This type of dynamic typically creates an imbalance where partners need to carefully negotiate how they can proportionately spend and spend responsibly too. Without doing so, it’s very easy for the low-earning man to feel emasculated, and carry a lot of shame in the relationship, which is detrimental to the relationship. The high-earning woman can end up carrying a lot of guilt and frustration which again needs to be addressed by way of communicating with their partner.  Women are innately care takers; the high earner female partner-low earner male partner  relationship can easily create a parent-child dynamic where the  woman feels responsible for the man and must make important decisions which would naturally fall onto the man. This is present especially if children are involved.

The high-earning female partner dynamic can  at times create a power dynamic where respect and honour for the man is erased, which is detrimental. We tend to equate money with power, and masculinity with money, which undermines the mutual respect each partner should have for the other. There is more to the relationship to keep it balanced and wholesome, which requires both partner’s investment, not just financially. However, it’s also true that money is a currency in the relationship, and it cannot be viewed independently.

High-earning male partner vs low earning female partner

This dynamic typically fits the existing and acceptable societal frame.  However, there are times when the man earns significantly more than the woman creating a huge gap. This can also lead to the same feelings of shame in the woman and guilt in the man. While it may be comforting for the woman to have a man who earns more and gives her a good life, it can also lead to feelings of inadequacy, and loss of identity where one feels they are highly dependent on their partner and therefore insufficient without them.

Do we talk about money?

Since money is a very contentious subject, many couples quietly make the detrimental decision not to ever bring it up at the beginning of the relationship, or as the relationship starts to become serious. This means that the realities of financial disparities become more real when the couple is already established in the relationship. This delay makes it harder to address these issues and when it gets talked about there is disappointment, disillusionment and a need to reframe their idea of a relationship, or a partner.

This critical moment can also spell the ending of a relationship for some as these disparities cannot be consolidated. Where disparities exist and are not acknowledged, things that should be enjoyed together for example holidays and dinners out can be a source of stress for the low-earning partner. These activities can also become burdensome for the high-earning partner who may feel that they have to carry the other along.

It is absolutely critical that couples do not shy away from talking about finances, and they can create a safe space to discuss it and find a way of making things work for both of them. Proportionate spending is one way of making this work in a fair and equitable way- pay what you can afford. Some couples find it easier to create a framework and model- 80/20 70/30 60/40 50/50 whichever way works for them. That way each partner is holding themselves to account and contributing to their shared life.

This frame is significant if you have to save money for bigger projects, for example, house buying. Having a written agreement can also be helpful especially when couples are making huge life decisions and unmarried. You would agree that it’s unfair to have a 50-50 frame when one partner can’t afford it. It then creates relationship stress and resentment which erodes love and goodwill that should be the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Tips for navigating financial differentials:

• Try not to view money as a taboo. It is real and if you are getting serious as a couple, it’s important that you create safe spaces to discuss your finances.
• When discussing finances, it’s important that it’s done in a gentle, non-confrontational, non-interrogative, but compassionate, empathetic and supportive way.
• Do not follow other people’s frames or ways of doing things. Our lives are very unique, therefore you must not simply follow other people’s way of doing things. Do what works for you as a couple.
• Have regular reviews of your finances to make sure that you are both still on the same page, otherwise, you end up with one partner who becomes more and more resentful of the other, either because they feel they have to do more in the relationship- or feel that they are being belittled and controlled because they earn less.
• For women, it’s important to acknowledge the place we are in society and come to terms with the fact that if you are a high earner, your future partner may earn less than you. Without this level of acceptance, you risk ending up alone and lonely.
• For men, if you are a low earner, it’s important that you also come to terms with the fact that you may end up with a woman who earns more than you. It’s not a negative and a sign of your masculinity, it’s how you navigate it that matters.

Main Image Credit to Luca Laurence- Unsplash