Many people are daunted by the process of searching for a good prospective therapist, which sadly discourages and deters them from accessing therapy altogether.

In a world with a plethora of practitioners, where some unqualified individuals have the freedom to call themselves “mental health gurus”, it is very easy to get lost in the psychotherapy labyrinth. The term “psychotherapist” is unregulated, and anyone can give themself the title psychotherapist, without any repercussions. Therefore it’s very easy for one to find oneself working with a rogue, untrained, unqualified, unaccredited individual calling themselves a therapist, which is hugely harmful. Social media perpetuates this problem as anyone can pose as a wellness guru, therapist, or specialist mental health practitioner with impunity.

Living in a digital world, there are many therapist directories and finding the right therapist can be in itself extremely anxiety-provoking, leaving some people unable and unwilling to start the process of searching. It is therefore imperative that we discuss the best way to find the right fit for a therapist.

Why the right fit/match

Searching for the right therapist is akin to dating, and the therapist-client relationship is in many ways similar to a romantic relationship. Minus the sexual elements of it, the therapeutic relationship is deeply personal, intimate, and sacred, just like a romantic relationship. When you are courting, you “suss” the other person out, to figure out whether you are compatible and whether you have chemistry. The same happens in therapy.

It is unwise to simply identify a therapist and start working with them, without having some kind of exploratory call or email exchanges to test out. This enables you to tease out whether you feel there is a connection between you and the therapist. A big part of our communication is non-verbal and received and responded to subconsciously. It is not just what is spoken, but how, the feeling, the chemistry and the experience as a whole, which is significant in setting the path to this very intimate journey.

Factors to consider when choosing a therapist

Here are some factors to consider when looking for a good fit for a therapist:

Modality and time

There are several therapy approaches, therefore it is important to first explore and decipher the therapy modality that resonates with you subjectively, and in relation to the kind of issues that you are experiencing. Therapy can be long-term or short-term, so the best start is for you to reflect on whether you want to have short-term therapy or long-term therapy.

Once you have done this, narrow down your searches to the key modalities that you resonate with. The core traditional psychotherapy approaches are psychodynamic/psychoanalytic, existential, humanistic/person-centred/Gestalt/ transpersonal,  as well as behavioural approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). There are other contemporary approaches such as emotional freedom therapy (EFT) narrative therapy, cognitive analytic therapy (CAT), dynamic interpersonal therapy (DIT), mentalisation, EMDR, mindfulness etc. which are often targeted for specific issues.

Following this, you then need to reflect on whether you want to do in-depth work, or not; whether you need to get tools to help yourself with day-to-day challenges, or whether you would like to learn about yourself and understand yourself more deeply. This will determine your choice between practical approaches such as CBT, EMDR, DIT, CAT, which are short-term, or the more traditional psychotherapies, which are long-term and reflective processes.

Platform - face-to-face  or online

Another key issue to consider is whether you prefer to have your sessions in person or online. There is no one-size-fits-all on this consideration as there are pros and cons to both.

Some people find it easier to talk about difficult things from their homes, where they feel safe and the screen gives them a sense of distance which keeps them safe, while others prefer the intimacy and closeness of being in real-time in the room. Some may also find in-person too threatening, while some find the online too distant. This has personal meaning to everyone, and there is no rule of a thumb.

For some, geographical distance makes in-person therapy an impossibility. That said, I do not believe in-person therapy equates to better outcomes; good therapy can also be delivered remotely. The significance lies in the robustness of the therapist-client relationship that you create.

Therapist’s identity

While the debates around therapist-client matching are controversial - whether therapist and client work best if they are from the same, class, race, gender, religion, sexuality, level of education, etc.-  I fundamentally believe that there are certain issues that can be understood by somebody who has had a similar lived experience to you. For example, a client who is experiencing homophobia may find it easier to relate to an LGBTQ therapist, clients who are experiencing racism may find it easy to talk to a therapist of colour, and clients who may have had class-related issues may want to work with therapists from the same class as them. However, this is not universal and not always the case;  again its subjective and hugely depends on the reason why one is seeking therapy.

I do however believe that clients should be given the choice to choose whoever they feel safe and resonant to work with, and this is regardless of similarities in race, gender, colour, or sexuality. What’s important is that there is a sense of safety and the therapist-client feel that they can communicate openly, and relate to each other in an honest and authentic way.

A key assessment criterion lies in making sure the therapist is accredited by a UK accrediting body. The main bodies are UKCP, BACP, BPC, NCPS, HPCP, HCP, BABCP, and BPS. There are other smaller bodies; you can always investigate directly with the body, or search online.

Individuals or couples therapist

I find this issue rather problematic, as it’s never clear-cut whether someone should be seeking individual or couples therapy. It is however true that most people who come to individual therapy would rather be in couples therapy, and some people who come to couples therapy would rather be in individual therapy. The main issue to consider is that when the relationship is suffering and there is a sense that both partners need to work on the relationship, then they need to approach couples therapy, not leave it to one partner.

A relationship is made up of two people; it is counter-productive to have one person address their issues in the relationship without the other. When that happens, you have one partner who grows, leaving the other behind, creating a gap in the couple's development and maturity as an entity. This can at times, make the relationship even more fragile, due to the discrepancy in the level of maturity.

Cost

Most people equate the cost of therapy with the quality. Therapy is not cheap; however, higher fees do not always equate to quality service. What’s important is that the therapist is qualified, experienced, and accredited. Most importantly, can the therapist demonstrate their expertise and competencies in the service they provide? Do not go above your budget for the sake of having therapy. It is countertherapeutic to have additional financial stress from having to pay for therapy sessions. Its also very easy to become resentful of the therapist and the process itself, if it becomes financially draining. Stay within your budget and negotiate a low fee if there are extenuating circumstances. If you have insurance- Axa, Cigna, Aviva, Vitality, WPA, Healix, BUPA,  investigate whether you can have therapy through your policy. Sadly many people are not aware that their policies cover therapy, and therefore never get to use it.

The first session or call - consultation

Almost every therapist carries out a consultation before embarking on the therapy journey. As a client, this also gives you an opportunity to have a feel of what it’s like to be in a relationship with the therapist. Like dating, it’s a courting process, where you need to feel safe and feel that you are understood and held.

The consultation is a significant part of the work, which sets the tone for how things progress. If the therapist offers a free call, grab the opportunity to make the call and ask questions about their way of working, experience, and understanding of your issue. Therapists have no answers nor do they have solutions, but there is a validation one gets by feeling understood.

I always tell my clients that the consultation is for them to assess me and whether I am the right fit for them, not the other way around. The therapist-client relationship is power-bound; it’s very easy to implicitly fall into a power dynamic where the therapist has all the power, which is harmful. In fact, the power is shared between the therapist and client, and there has to be trust, respect and positive regard for each other and the process.

You employ your therapist, make sure you get the right therapist to do the job!