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RIP Princess Diana 1 July 1961- 31 August 1997

Princess Diana’s Very Short And Rich Life

Today marks 27 years since the day Princess Diana died in a fatal car crash, at the tender age of 36. Despite dying so young, it is true that Diana touched many lives, and her influence reverberated throughout the world.

It was a warm August Sunday morning, when the news of the death of Princess Diana was broken on national TV, and radio stations. Many who were old enough will remember this day as one of the saddest days in the history of time. Time seemed to have stopped. I remember the shock & profound grief that ensued, felt on a very personal level despite not knowing Diana in any personal capacity. Sir Elton John’s song Candle in the Wind/Goodbye England’s rose became a source of comfort to many who could not make sense of this tragic and untimely death.

Despite  many of us not knowing Diana in any personal capacity, she represented, and still represents the epitome of humanity, selflessness, & love in its purest form. Born into wealth, and aristocracy, Diana could have chosen to live the life of a princess, and not involve herself in the lives of those less privileged than her- of course “commoners”. Instead, her love for humanity had no bounds- Diana spend a huge part of her life doing humanitarian work, working with the most vulnerable, infirm, and the less fortunate and less privileged, starting off as a nursery nanny before marrying the King. She went onto be a champion & ambassador for HIV and AIDS awareness, becoming a patron of the AIDS Trust. During that era, AIDS was seen as a death sentence. This was a time where the retroviral medication, that is now widely accessible, was not yet developed, and AIDS was considered incurable.  People with AIDS were shunned, and there were numerous myths about AIDS transmission, which saw many HIV sufferers ostracised and dying very lonely deaths. AIDS was also linked to homosexuality, because many gay men tended to engage in unsafe sex, therefore increasing the risk of infection. Many gay high-profile celebrities succumbed to AIDS, this  includes Freddy Mercury, and others. These false narratives around AIDS and HIV also increased homophobia, which led to gay and non-heterosexual people being treated with derision.

Given the above context, one of Diana’s biggest achievements Diana was normalising AIDS and HIV, and increasing the awareness of it as a disease that can affect anyone, and that HIV/AIDS carriers should not be viewed any differently to any other people. In 1987, at the height of HIV pandemic, Diana opened the first HIV/AIDS unit at Middlesex hospital in London. She visited the HIV patients. She would handshake them, and give them hugs, something that society had been conditioned to believe it was dangerous, and contagious.

Diana also became a patron for Centrepoint, a charity which offers help and support to homeless people. Among many other works, Diana also became involved in Leprosy awareness, and children’s health & wellbeing overall working with the children at the Great Ormond Street Hospital, Royal Mardsen Hospital, and the Red Cross Charity.  Another one of Diana’s honourable works was de-mining landmines in war zones, with the aim of reducing death, maiming, and disabilities caused by detonating landmines. She would bravely visit these zones and actively demine herself.

The Wounded Healer

Despite her strive to serve others, Diana was concurrently dealing with her very own personal battles, some of which became publicised, sensationalised, & inflated by the media. The media haunted her, harassed her, hell bend on tarnishing her image. It's no secret that Diana struggled with her mental health, some of it exacerbated by the way she was being treated by the media, and the perpetual stressors in her personal life. It is known that she suffered from depression, anxiety and anorexia. In one of her interviews with the BBC, Diana mentioned feeling suicidal at one point in her life, as her personal challenges became unbearable.  She lacked support & she was labelled "mentally unstable". Diana faced public ridicule & shame over her divorce from her then husband. As an aristocrat, it’s as if there was a rule that she had broken by divorcing; she should have stayed in an unhappy marriage to appease society and be the “Good Princess”. Her subsequent dating life after the divorce became a daily headline, with a lot of speculation and scrutiny over whoever she was supposedly dating.

Despite all these personal challenges, Diana was steadfast and continued to sacrifice herself to serve others. Her endeavours to make the world equitable, and a better place for everyone despite their age, health status, gender, sexuality, social class and race is undeniable. She could have retreated into the comfort and security of her world of wealth & ease, but she put herself on the frontline, taking a lot of shots at the same time. Nothing stopped her from buying a home in a remote island (which she could very well afford), retreat, and leave the nightmare behind, but she chose to be of service to others, and did so from the heart. That alone is humbling. Her struggles also humanised her. There is more to life than wealth, influence, and status.

Leading from the heart, not the head

I recited Diana's life as one of her favourite quotes " l don’t go by the rule book, l lead from the heart not the head" speaks to every one of us, given the world we now live in. We are  becoming devoid of compassion, lack empathy, and there is an erosion of love for one another. We have become emotionally bankrupt and obsessed with winning over each other. We hurt each other, with no remorse or conscience. We avoid pain and discomfort at all costs, and we do not care how much damage we cause others as long one is winning. As a result we have also become a robotic and morally defunct society.

We have become a people spend too much time in our heads, and not make use of our innate ability to use our hearts, which is where all the wisdom lies. The heart gives us access to areas where logic does not exist or inhabit. The heart discerns, resonates, and connects us with our inner selves, and the world around us in ways that our intellect can never do.  The analogy of having a "gut feeling" is what using the heart is about.  The same relates to the notion of having a “heart break”, something that is profoundly visceral and experienced in a somatic way- pain around the chest area. When you use your heart, you are guided by your emotions, intuition, and you use your core, not your head. You are also likely to be reflective, and empathetic, which means you can think of others, and treat them in the way you would like to be treated. Using our hearts expands our capacity for compassion for others, authenticity, and gives life a whole new meaning. When we use the heart, we experience life differently to approaching things using logic. I am sure whoever is reading this had had an experience where their head says yes, and the gut says no; in the end the gut was right, no matter how logically irrational it was. That was your heart speaking to you, and in action.

Origins of leading by the heart

While logic and intellect is a brain function, which shapes our reasoning, ability to process information, understanding, and sense making, using logic alone and relying on logic and rationality can lead us into a dangerous terrain, where the true meaning of the experiences and the essence of it is lost. When we rely heavily on our logic, we miss the opportunity of engaging with our authentic selves, and others, something fundamentally enriching, given that we are emotional beings. We miss out on the richness of life, through connecting at an emotional level, not simply intellectually.

As emotional and relational beings that we are, we have the innate ability to emote, and evoke powerful emotions in others, without words or thought. The baby is born with no language; language is something they learn as they mature. However, the baby can communicate their needs, in such a profound way by inducing some powerful feelings in the mother. The mother responds to the baby’s nonverbal communication; what she is responding to is an emotion. This mother- baby interaction is an emotional experience which is wired in us, and we can tap into it throughout our lives. It however needs to be cultivated and nurtured. The mother-baby experience is a process of the mother using the heart and her actions being led by her heart. If the mother uses logic, she would not be to engage with the baby, respond to its distress, nor make sense of the distress and respond to the baby’s needs. The mother attunes to the babies’ emotions- an open heart, propagating  an emotional resonance. We all have the in-built capacity to connect at an emotional level, to use our heart.  However, the world we live in demands much of our intellect, and therefore put too much emphasis on logic. As a result, we lose touch with this fundamental and rich part of ourselves.

Worry and Using the Brain

Most of our suffering in life stems from worry; living in our heads. Worry  is the mother of stress,  anxiety and depression. Depression gives our worry a past focus- regret, guilt, rumination, while anxiety  worry has a future focus- worry about things going wrong & predicting negative outcomes. When we spend too much time in our heads, we are likely to overthink, overanalyse, and gaslight ourselves. We also tend to fortune tell, and predict the worst-case scenarios, instead of the best-case scenarios. This breeds fear, self-doubt, and a creates a world that is scary. When we overthink and worry, we are likely to end up in a rabbit hole, one which is deep and hard to come out of.

Exercises- tuning into your heart

Are you a worrier? Are you overly stressed by simple things? Do you tend catastrophize? If you tend to spend too much time in your head, stop and try and tune into what you are truly feeling. Ask yourself “what am l experiencing right now?” and “how am l feeling, where is my heart and what is it telling me? The capacity to identify and name that feeling is itself a huge milestone and a growth. You then try to gently lean into that feeling, you will be surprised at how unthreatening, and how comforting it is to simply name and acknowledge it. It maybe that the situation you are overthinking is making you fearful, sad, lonely, vulnerable etc. Leaning into that feeling makes you connect with the experience at an emotional level, and not intellectualise it. Connecting with it an emotional level gives it more meaning and directs your attention from it being fearful or scary in your head.

Another way of connecting with the heart is by sitting with  someone you love, in silence, without saying anything, just being in each other’s presence.  You can exchange glances, but no talking. Spend 5-10 minutes together, with no words. Notice how that feels? Reflect on it with the other person.

Using your heart makes you thrive in intimate relationships, friendships, and even in work environments.

One lesson to take away from Princess Diana “I dont go by the rulr book, l lead from the heart, not the brain”.

RIP Diana Princess of Wales. The People’s Queen.